To those who have been called to face their deepest transmutation in this Fixed Water Lunar Cycle of Scorpio,
this is to You.
As I have told, I have come to understand the darkness, in my own self, but that was after much digging and learning and allowing the messages to come up. I felt, at the time, that there was no other choice I had but to face the darkness and accept it as part of me. This Darkness may be called our “shadow” in some respects, and – simply put – it is just a part of us that wasn’t considered appropriate for the culture we grew up in, and so we put it in a deep place of shame within us. We may have locked this part of us up tight, but that doesn’t mean it goes away. And there is not one person who hasn’t had to meet their shadow.
We call it many different names these days, but in so many descriptions, our shadow is demonized as still something to overcome. But what if you were able to see it in a different way – that this painful part of you was just hurting from being shut away? And when you feel the pain of it – when you get triggered – that is when it comes out.
What if… you allowed it to come out without any stipulations on how it had to act? Like if you felt like screaming because you were sincerely angry AF about something that you have always told yourself you had to be in order to be Good or Successful or Healthy?
So …. let yourself scream until you have no more scream left. Exhaust the anger for the time being. Let yourself cry until your tear ducts are empty. Go out and run; dance to loud music; kick the air; punch a pillow — anything that allows the shut-away part of you Out in the open.
Then, Witness – that which caused the anger or fear or pain or shame … really, truly look with non-judgmental eyes – look with your heart, let yourself Feel, and let this huge emotion move through you. Stay objective and detached from any judgements. Then relax into your memories, allow another memory to emerge, earlier in your life – when you felt this same emotion; then back and back until you find you are close to the initial time – the event – that created the wound in you… it was probably when you were a child … and you were shown by the people around you that it wasn’t OK to feel what you were feeling.
There is no blame here. They didn’t know either.
Now, there may be some intense and big emotions that come up with this kind of work – but it’s important to stay in a place of objectivity and love for yourself – like you would treat a friend who was talking to you with such vulnerability. And then, when you are finished allowing that part of you to express whatever emotion comes, without resistance – you can begin to offer yourself Empathy. Ask that tender part of you, what you needed at the time of the initial event – did you need someone to come in and comfort you? Do you feel better offering your own inner self the comfort? In this way, you give your inner shadow Validation and Respect. We all want to be Seen and Heard, your inner pain is no different. See it. Hear it out. Don’t condemn it. Allow it to have its time in the light. Then you can say to yourself that you are sorry you had to go through that situation in life – and you comfort yourself as if you were comforting a child.
It is a process of opening, being tender enough to allow whatever comes up – and it’s not easy – but you can do it. And once you do it the first time, you can go back to that memory or that feeling again, and it gets easier to feel integration take place. But remember it is a process; it won’t happen overnight, and you have to make a commitment to yourself to be kind and loving – no self shaming and no blaming others. The more you can open up to that darkness with love, the more Whole you will feel – you won’t feel like there’s a part of you to fear that is separate from the truth of you.. does this make sense?
As for your desire to dwell only in the light — well, as far as I can see, there is no light without darkness. and there is no darkness without light. There is a continuum that runs between two energies in apparent opposition. Meaning, they are on the same plane of existence – they would have to be, otherwise one of them wouldn’t exist. For instance, How do you know when an emotion is heavy? because you have felt the lightness of fun and laughter, right?… How do you know when you are in a dark room? because you can’t see what you can see in the light – does that mean that light doesn’t exist? no of course not. I see the two sides of this axis are two parts of the same whole.
So if you feel this heaviness is a useless burden… please, try to understand the truth of all emotion – even the heavy, dark emotion. See that you have a unique kind of Lightness …and this Lightness, this beautiful, authentic truth of You, that has known pain and known darkness … your lightness EXISTS because of your heaviness. They cohabitate. They are symbiotic. They create the melody and the harmony and the … what’s that other thread that gives your audience some excitement? What if you didn’t have that thing in music to bring all the layers of Story to the piece? How would it feel to listen to only a light and happy melody — it would feel flat, right? like there was something missing.
I have not gotten to this place easily — and I don’t take this lightly… but I honor the journey. And it’s all about the journey. There IS no destination. Life is about our human experiences, and how we grow and how we live and love and laugh and cry and feel sadness … and how we are able to get to a place of Unconditional Love for the loneliest, darkest parts of ourselves. These spaces usually hold the richest experiences of all. In accepting the whole spectrum of each part of you, you offer yourself the inner truth that YOU ARE ALREADY WHOLE.
You ARE You. you don’t need to be “fixed”… that is only our human, societal conditioning that has made us think that there’s something to fix inside of us if we feel strongly in a way that makes people feel uncomfortable – sad or in pain or Growing. Ask those growing pains inside of you, what they need … you already Know the answer.
This is why I love Astrology so – this ancient craft helps us to see the beauty in all our light and all our darkness, especially in this time of Fixed Water that runs so deep… it’s the perfect time to Remember who you Are.
Happy New Moon, my friends .. may the Yin of Darkness surround you with light within ~ a warm glow of Love.